To whom it may concern:

I am not gonna care who's gonna read this anyway,
if you still want to spread rumours, just do it.
I have nothing to lose now, since I've lost almost
everything I had before. Believe or not, it's up to you.
this is MY BLOG, I have the right to say anything i want.
If you HATE ME so much, just leave this page and don't
be 'so' caring towards me, PLEASE.

No matter how many times i told myself not to cry,
I just did.
I just couldn't help myself thinking about the past.
I just couldn't forget those days how close we were,
with him as well as with my gang of friends.
If atiqah is reading this, I wanna tell you that I totally
understand how you felt that time when you broke down.
I cried, I teared, I broke down, whenever I thought of those days...
those days we had been through, be it the mooncake festival,
birthday celebrations, our gang outings, (movies! lunch and dinners!)
the chats we shared, the care and concern between us as well as
them, the problems we faced and solved, those staying-back-days,
those days we worked hard and studied together with the gang,
the journey home together, those new york days,
those actions you used to do to me, those humours that only
the gang and us knows, the gossips we used to share,
those times you comforted me as well as i comforted you,
and i am saying out all these NOT because i had special feeling for you,
it is because i had treasured you so much (as a friend) that I just
couldn't adapt the strained friendship we had now.
And when my thinking starts this way, it'll always end with
a question mark and a "WHY???".
Why are we so affected by rumours around us?
Why are we so affected by our emotions?
Why do we believe in what we see than what we know?
Why do we trust others than those whom we knew longer?
so WHY is it?
How I hoped I could say all these to you immediately and
let me be more comfortable with myself now.
WHY must I always complicate things like this?
or on the other hand, WHY should people around us
make things difficult for us and make them so complex?
my problem? your problem? their problem?
I used to NOT hating people but when I thought of all these,
I hate them ALOT. including myself.
I cried, I teared, I broke down, only behind them.
I don't wish to show the weak side of me.
That's why I'm not being myself at all.
That's why I'm agonising.
That's why I'm running away from these problems.
don't ask me why, THAT IS WHY.
things just happened this way,
I'm of NO control of them now.

sick and tired, i hate burdens.