i can understand how those people who fake smiles and laughters
infront of everyone when they aren't happy at all.
i felt that i couldn't help myself that i keep thinking this way..
i told myself today that i want to have a great start today.
but still, ended up with almost tears flowing out and
heat from anger which almost overheated my body.

i'm not a person who won't always speak up for myself but
i believed in my closer friends that they understand me
more than i do. i couldn't really understand myself sometimes,
yet i expect others to understand me?
i'm drifting away from my main point already though..
now i'm finding myself to doubt in each and single of my friends
which it's my second time in my life that i felt this way..
when i thought i could trust YOU, YOU, YOU and YOU,
i ended up with nothing but disappointments.
i felt that i trust people too easily that i keep distances nowadays..
i don't know.
WHY?

i've always asked myself this whenever i felt this way.
i hated myself for feeling this way,
i hate the history repeating itself again.
i really ponder sometimes,
it's my problem or others'?
it is how i behave infront of others resulting in this way?
am i so unreliable?
am i so useless?
am i looking so pathetic?
i felt like an moron.
i felt like an ant in the whole wide whole.
i felt so low now.
i dislike doubts in myself and others.
my confidence is being shattered AGAIN.
i hate it. i hated it.
WHAT TO DO?
who can i trust again?
who will listen to my negative thoughts?
WHO?

i never liked spreading my negative thoughts
to my friends. i like smiles on their faces whenever
i did something so small like even a msg could bring my
beloved friend to happiness.
i like listening to their thoughts.
i like how they thanked me with smiles in their faces
for the birthday presents or even little stuffs i've made
which brought them fun and joy...
i like the feeling of togetherness in friendships,
i like the feeling of unbreakable bond in friendships,
i like the faith, trust, care and concern between friends...
WHY AGAIN?

why must i be so affected by someone whom i trusted so much,
who always talked to me about he/she thoughts in their lives?
it's kinda scary how people changes their thoughts and even feelings
within such a short period of time.
sighs.
i don't wish this to happen again.
ANYMORE.
i really hope that i could keep myself so busy that i wouldn't
even have the time to be bothered or even be affected
by stuffs like these..
now i'm hating school,
not because of assignments or even assessments,
it's because the people studying in there.
a word of advice to those who experienced similar feeling
with me:
NEVER, put in too much trust in someone.
otherwise you'll be hurt in no time.
i hate to say this but, i have to.

jiayou to me, since i'm struggling alone in school.
and sorry to myself, that i didn't achieve what i wanted
in my blog. NEVER write anything about unhappiness again.